Women are quietly quitting – and I am one of them
Career20.11.2024
It happened to me. I got worn down. The burnout caught me off guard, seemed to come out of nowhere, and poof – that was it. My phone stopped ringing, my calendar suddenly emptied, and I felt like I was all alone on perimenopause island.
The thing is, I am not alone!
Mid-career disillusionment is sweeping across North America, and now that my cohort, Gen X, is in the C-suite, quiet quitting due to the impact of perimenopause is having a significant impact on productivity and overall happiness in workplaces everywhere.
And the cycle won’t stop there. As of next year, Millennials will make up the largest segment of the working population – and they are entering perimenopause.
Ask any woman at this age and stage of life and they will tell you – it’s PRIME TIME! We are smart, we are seasoned, and we have learned many of life’s great lessons. We are reclaiming our identity and prioritizing our well-being above all else. We are finally putting ourselves first. You might think this means our workplaces are positively impacted by our season of change. Yet still so often, that is not the case.
The reality of perimenopause
Inequity in the workplace for women is nothing new. Where the culture has seemingly shifted is in the global conversation about taboo topics. With information at our fingertips, women can finally get informed and speak confidently about why they are always awake in the middle of the night and why they can’t remember anything – or if they do remember what they want to say, they forget the word they need to use to describe it. In our home, we’ve had a house cleaner come every other Tuesday for five years. Today I asked my husband to remind me which day of the week the cleaner comes. Oof!
There are other signs and symptoms linked to perimenopause that impact women at work. It is a psychological gut punch when suddenly we are gaining weight despite eating well and being active. We are also coming to terms with our sexual and reproductive health and wellness with less drive, unpredictable cycles, and unusual physical symptoms like less hair on our heads and more hair on our faces. So much of how we show up at work is impacted by how we feel on the inside. Coupled with the emotional toll of the global pandemic and the resulting hybrid work arrangements, it’s no wonder we’re opting to dress down and leave the camera off.
Up until recently, women have often suffered in silence, leading to unprecedented rates of burnout and disengagement. Workplace culture has not been conditioned to openly speak up about perimenopause. Menopause is defined as 12 consecutive months of no bleeding. For the years we spend curious, rationalizing, or more commonly spiraling about what is happening to us, we add the word ‘peri’ meaning ‘pre,’ ‘before,’ or ‘around’ the time you will cease to have a period. This peri period can last anywhere from four to six years, leaving many of us with more questions than answers.
I am a big believer in career pivots, but I am also a firm believer in out-loud advocacy. Walking away or quietly quitting might be the right answer for some women. But it shouldn’t have to be if your personal choice is to stay and be supported during this transcendent life stage.
My journey through it
Personally, my journey through perimenopause took me to places I never thought I’d go. I walked away from the career I’d dreamed of and worked impossibly hard for. For the first time in my professional life, I didn’t have a network or a plan – I felt alone, unsure, and totally untethered. For anyone experiencing burnout, I know you can feel your heart thump when you read this. I spent night after night practicing box breathing to help me fall asleep. In time, with improved sleep hygiene, I started to sleep through the night. And then, I began to open my eyes at daybreak and smile. This was the turning point.
What anchored me was the support I got from my family and friends. I hired a career coach and found the right mix of professional healthcare to help me address the medical issues I had to contend with. In time, I was able to see that leaving my old professional life was my choice, and that I had walked away in a place of empowerment.
I slowly gave myself permission to formulate a plan to recalibrate and move toward living my values and passions that had become hindered by a well-meaning but incredibly fractured professional environment. I showed myself some grace and allowed my resilience and gumption to lead me toward authenticity. Choosing balance over burnout was not easy. I learned valuable lessons about guilt and shame, jealousy and envy, confidence and imposter syndrome.
These days I counsel people and workplaces about what it means to be going through perimenopause and how to do so with courage and without shame, providing information and education for those who seek to balance the scales when so much is at stake. Don’t let the amazing women in your world walk away in silence. Normalize this conversation, and I promise you will find more opportunity than you ever thought imaginable!
